To Snip, Or Not To Snip...

That is the question.

Hi! It's been a while! I hope you've been well. I know I disappeared a few weeks back, for personal reasons, but all is well. I've missed writing posts that inevitably end in the draft pile, almost as much as I've missed sharing NSFW pics.

Now, I have a couple of radical things I want to share, but before getting into the meat of that I want to tell you that I went to the CD shop for a makeup lesson! It was amazing!! The owner was super friendly and helpful and kind, and made me look stunning! And I got to meet other CDs who frequent the place as well! It looks like there's actually an even larger community than I imagined, and they want me to be a part of it! I can't wait to go back, hopefully around the end of this month.

Also, I introduced myself as Charlie, so I guess the name's official now! How exciting!! (And nerve-racking!)

Anyways, onto the radical topics.

First, I think I'm going to quit chastity as a regular thing, and make it more of a special/kink/play occasion kind of thing. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not doing this because I'm a quitter -in fact, before even considering this in any serious capacity, I made sure I could spend at least a month locked up (and I did, January of this year I was locked more or less 24/7, with minimal hygiene/health exceptions). It's also not because I dislike chastity, you all should know by now that I LOVE it. For me, being locked up is like my most natural state. It's so natural that I've spent the last 11 days locked up, and the last time I unlocked was like four or five days ago just to make sure all the skin was doing well (and shave); and it was, so I haven't taken it off since, and it'll stay on until I shave again in a couple of days.

But here's the thing: as a femboi, I want to enjoy having a boistick. And I don't mean I want to play with it, I want to enjoy the fact that it's there. Because accepting and embracing being a gay boi has made me really appreciate my little stick. Where before, as a transwoman and a sissy I sought to hide and minimize it, and pretend it didn't exist, now I want to celebrate it and be proud of it! Sure, I'd love it if it were smaller, and permanently limp, but it's still a cute, girly little thing. More importantly, it's a boi thing.

Thus I want to enjoy it. I want to enjoy the way it looks in my jocks and thongs, the way it stirs when I see a hot guy. Delight in the way it helplessly stands up when I'm horny, and defeated goes back to sleep in frustration. It's easy to have a useless little stick when it's caged, but sometimes it's more satisfying to keep it useless while it's free. To see it and feel it straining in the jock, getting it wet with boijuice, while your boihole is getting stuffed with something several times larger.

I want bask in the pleasure and satisfaction of seeing the pouch get smaller, as my boistick gives up, even though my boihole is screaming in ecstasy, and I can't stop moaning.

Because nothing makes you feel more like a faggot than having the best sex ever and your stick having no part in it.

Okay, I lied, there is one thing better than that: when your boihole is getting the workout of a lifetime, and you reach down to fiddle your boistick and immediately stop because it actually makes everything worse.

So, yeah, I want it to be free, dangly, and useless. I want it to (try to) fill my undies, and I want it to look cute while doing so. Because that's another thing that's changed: these days I mostly wear boi undies. It started with jockstraps, obviously, because they're handy with plugs and other toys, but over time it expanded to other types. Initially, it was because of caged comfort -having a pouch meant that my bits would no longer get smushed- so I picked up a thong. I found I liked it, so I got another, and also a cute little bikini style. And little by little I fell in love with how gay they make me feel, so I bought even more.

I want to stress, though, I'm not going masc. All of these are very cute and some are even femmy. Most importantly, they're all very, very gay, which is what I want: to have items that scream "gay boi". So I'm not going to start wearing boxers, or anything remotely like that. I'm also not going to stop wearing panties, or lingerie. I'm still a femboi so being able to look girly, cute and passable is still important to me -and that includes underwear.

So that's the first bit of radical news, now the second bit is even more radical and has to do with the title.

"What do you mean," I hear you ask. Just kidding, I can't hear your thoughts. But in case you were wondering (and even if you weren't), what I mean is that I'm considering getting an orchiectomy. In layman's terms: I'm thinking about getting rid of my little balls.

"Why," I hear you ask. (Still, only kidding.) Well, it's both very complicated, and extremely uncomplicated at the same time. On the latter end, I can just say that I feel it's the right move for me. Regarding the former, well, it's complicated.

See, earlier, I came out, here on my blog, as bigender. This meant that I'd have a hard time picking one gender and fully committing to it. Now, as I hinted at above, with all the exposition above regarding this newfound love and appreciation for my boistick, I want to flat-out acknowledge that the influence from the male part of my identity grows the more I embrace it. And, as I mentioned before, if I could de-transition and identify (safely) as a femboy (as a valid, socially-recognized, protected identity), I would do so in a heartbeat. Heck, I would probably even get a mastectomy! I'm fairly flat-chested, but if I'm honest, I've grown to dislike them and wish I had a completely flat chest.

I digress. Getting back on topic, the point I'm trying to make is that I don't see myself getting vaginoplasty. I do want to pursue other feminizing surgical procedures, namely FFS, but I want to keep my boistick because I like it and it's important to my identity. On the other hand, I do want to change things a bit down there, because as much as I'm not a woman, I'm also not a man. So I want to make my nether region more feminine, and the way to do that is by removing my little balls. This would leave me with a smooth bottom portion (which I want really badly), while leaving my stick intact, and would also provide certain benefits like reduced testosterone, shrinkage, potential erectile problems, and a much easier time tucking.

Beyond that, it's a way to modify my body to reflect my identity, it has wonderful implications/uses in kink, and will be very aesthetically pleasing. Pretty radical, no?

Now, this won't be happening anytime soon, the procedure costs money, and it's a permanent procedure, so I have to take my time and think this through. It's possible I might chicken out, or that life might just steer me in another direction (like it's done with chastity); but it's something that's been on my mind for a couple of months now, and writing about it has been very helpful.

So! There's my two and a half updates. I think it'll be interesting to see how things change, particularly these two things, as I get more involved with the CD community here. Any which way the wind blows, I'll be sure to let you know!

-XOXO