The F Word

Faggot

That's the "f word," at least in this case. It's a term I've been vacillating on for months, because it's still very contentious -it hasn't been reclaimed like queer, or dyke, yet (and I recognize the latter still has ground to cover to reach full reclaimed status). Now, personally, I've identified fairly consistently with it, but I've been hesitant to associate with it openly because I don't want to upset or alienate folks. I think that there's some value in the content I put out, and I believe my commentary can help others navigate their own issues, so turning people away seems like a misstep. On the other hand, though, I'd love for the word to be reclaimed, I want it normalized and mainstreamed. I believe that doing so can help others understand themselves better, and inform how they relate to themselves and others.

More importantly, I consider myself a faggot and I want to be open about it. I want to come out and show people that it's okay to be one, and it's okay to call me a faggot. Now, it's true that in doing so I'm potentially opening the door to abuse, but I hope you'll stick by me, and help turn that word into something positive.

Because being a faggot is valid

It's just an identity that relates to a sexual role, like being a bottom, but with a few extra qualifiers. See, a faggot is, at his core, a very gay, very bottom, submissive boy, who loves getting fucked by men. Now, what makes them different from regular bottoms is that they also have a mixture of emasculation, feminization/effeminacy, and objectification. This mixture, however, varies from person to person, and therefore it's not wise to assume that someone who ticks many of these boxes is comfortable identifying as a faggot. For example, the phrase "sissy faggot" gets thrown around a lot, but it's important to note that not all sissies identify as faggots, nor should they.

But why? How's this differ from other kinds of gay?

Well, for starters, sissies and femboys aren't necessarily gay. They often get lumped in, but they may be bi, or even straight! Beyond that, another way in which femboys/sissies are different from faggots in that, for the former, feminization is a discrete goal, whereas for a faggot it may simply be a happy by-product of emasculation. A faggot wearing fishnets and a thong, for example, might be doing so because it makes his legs and ass look good, and not because he wants to look like a girl.

And it's different from more vanilla kinds of bottom in that the faggot's relationship to tops is unequal (but always with consent). See, bottoms don't have to be submissive - heck, they can even be Doms! But faggots, in their emasculation and objectification, are always submissive and on a lower tier in the hierarchy compared to their peers.

And this is valid

And I think that embracing this role, this identity, can empower people to explore themselves more. I believe that it can bring a lot of positivity to folks' sex lives by putting a name to their feelings, their turn-ons, their desires, and letting know it's okay to be this way - that they don't have to feel bad, that they're not weird, and they're not alone.

In other news...

Oh, yes, my gayification is going extremely well

For real, I love men, and the hotter they are the better. What's more, I continue to identify moments in my past that should've clued me in to the fact that, really, I've been gay all along. For example, the other day I remembered that, periodically, straight/lesbian porn would stop working for me, but hot guys in speedos would always, ALWAYS work. I mean, gay porn in general would always work, but there's just something about watching the bulges grow in a tight pouch before popping out.

Anyways, that should've been a big tell, right?

So yeah, that's where we're at -literally just looking at hot guys revs my engine like nothing else. To that end, I've been working on some Shortcuts automations to automagically swap backgroud pix on my devices to gay things. For example, the lock screen on my phone and tablet are mlm-flag-themed pictures, and the home screens for them, as well as my personal laptop's, are sexy guys (see the examples below) in different states of undress.

And I love it

I mean, there's always this worry that someone might see and ask me about it, or make some negative comment, but if that happens, I guess it means it'll be time to have "the talk." I've been mentally procrastinating on preparing for this conversation. I'm basically going to have to "come out" to people to tell them I like guys now. Really shouldn't be a problem for anyone except maybe my family, but you know how these problems seem insurmountable in your head.

And speaking about coming out...

Hi, it me, a bigender

Why? Because I'm in this weird place where "femboy" isn't widely recognized as a valid identity, and bigender is the closest I've got. Now, for those at home confused about what it means to be bigender and how it differs from agender and genderfluid, allow me to explain!

Agender refers to people who do not identify strongly enough with any established gender. These are people who may or may not identify with one or more characteristics of masculinity and/or femininity, but they overall do not identify as either. They just ride that grey line all the way down until they run out of tracks. Genderfluid folks, on the other hand, do identify with established genders, but with varying intensity which usually changess ranndomly. People who identify as genderfluid might spend a whole day identifying as male, go to sleep, and wake up the next morning identifying as female - only to flip back halfway through breakfast.

Bigender people, on the other, other hand, tend to switch genders based on context, so it's less random and fluid, but also not 100% set in stone. This describes me because when I'm at the office, for example, I identify as female, and anything that isn't passable gives me discomfort that can range from mild to full-on dysphoria. In contrast, when it comes to anything sex-related, I identify as male with varying degrees of femininity. This is why I ultimately identify as gay - because sexually I'm all boy.

Now, I'm not going to sit here and pretend that it's all clear-cut like that, because it isn't. There are some gray areas, and trying to talk about them is very difficult because they depend very heavily on context. For example, whenever I find a boyfriend, it'll be interesting figuring out which contexts bring out which identity. I imagine that whenever we're alone I'll be his boi, but occasionally I might want to be his girl, too. On the flipside, if we're hanging out with like-minded friends, I might feel more comfortable as a boi with them. Who knows? Still, the key here is that my identity is decided by the context - I don't think I'll ever not feel comfortable as a girl out in the "real" world.

And this might sound like I'm some sort of double-agent-crossdresser, and I guess depending on how you look at it, that assessment might be right, BUT I like to think about it in swinger terms. See, I have a coworker who wears a black ring. He's married, lovely wife, and for all intents and purposes they're your normal vanilla couple. But, like pineapples, black rings are a way for swingers to identify each other. Now, I've never approached him about this, but I'm pretty sure that they must get up to some pretty wild stuff. So, does this mean that they are double-agen sex-life-havers? Nah, it just means that they're multi-faceted. Similarly, bigender people are multi-faceted, too. 

New cage!

If you follow my twitter you've probably noticed this already, but I've got some new cages! I got them off JosieLynn's ShapeWays shop and I'm loving them. The main thing I wanted to do with these was to get a larger ring, so things would fit more comfortably, and try the "innie" cage for maximum emasculation. The good news is that the larger ring puts long-term chastity within reach, and the bad news is that the innie cage needs an even larger ring. Don't worry, I already placed an order and it should be arriving soon. Still, this is something to be very excited about! In fact, I'm so excited I went ahead and made a chastity tracker for my phone (using Shortcuts) and it makes adding days, ending sessions, and starting new sessions a breeze! Next I'll have to figure out how to export that data to excel or something, but for now I'm happy with what I've got.

SFW Fembois?

I think I've talked about this before, but I want my online femboi life to extend beyond lewds. Problem is, I'm still not sure what to d with it. Like I want to be able to just be myself, openly, and hang out with other fembois, play games, stuff like that, but I don't think there's a lot of femboi-related stuff outside of lewdstuffs. Makes me a bit sad. STILL, I'm learning how to do proper makeup, and working on my wigs, and will be getting some breastforms, and with that hopefully I'll be comfy enough to start sharing face pix, so that'll be something to do on a sfw account!

If you have any ideas, or feel the same way, let me know! Maybe we can start a femboilution!!