He/Him: Enjoying the Boi in FemBoi

I've written and re-written this post about what I identify as more times than I can count with two fingers.

The problem is it always, without fail, falls out of scope. I go off on tangents about what things mean, what's right and what's wrong, and what consensual non-consent means; but I never actually say what I identify as in any practically useful manner.

I struggle trying to define myself, and I think it's about time I accept the fact that I don't know what the heck I am.

In the real world, I'm a woman; when the lights go down, I'm a mess.

It's half indecision, half fear of commitment.

There's so many things I want to be, so many kinks I want to explore, so many roles I want to try on. When I allow myself sexual freedom, I'm like a kid in a toy store.

Another mistake I've made, when re-writing this post, is explaining my history. Those of you who care, have probably been here from the start (and honestly should probably join those who don't care). And those of you who don't care, don't care.

Regardless, for those keeping score at home, this fantasy life I've created and shared with all of you started off years ago as a regular pervy trans girl, then morphed into sissification, and now has become femboification (?). I think the obvious trend here is the increasing acceptance for my male traits; in other words I've gone from a place where male traits are tolerated or treated as a novelty, to a place where they are part of a whole, and are even celebrated, sort of.

It's been a long, twisty journey about learning to accept myself.

But that's not what we're here for. You're here to watch me pin the tail on the proverbial donkey of gender identity, and I'm here to disappoint you. If what we want is a hard and fast "this is what I am", then I've no clue what the heck to tell you. Best guess is genderfluid, maybe?

That's the problem with just going about, explorin' things, with no real objective, just seeing what feels good and what doesn't: you never really know -with certainty- what the heck you're even doing.

Anyways, what it all boils down is that I'm learning to embrace and enjoy the boi side of me. And I want to play around with it, see what feels right and what doesn't, see how far I can take it. Why? That's a question for another post.

At any rate, if you ask me right now, "Charlie, are you a fem or a boi?" My answer would have to be: yes; but right now I'm more boi, ask me again in a few weeks.

Now, what does this mean for you? It means whatever you want it to mean. Here's the deal: I know that keeping track of my bs isn't easy, and I'm really grateful for each and every one of you that encourages, or even puts up with me. Because of that, I want to pull a consensual-non-consent-style move and tell you that, even though for the time being I prefer he/him pronouns, you can use whichever you like. You can use she/her or they/them, you can call me a girl or a sissy or a fag* or a shemale*, it's all good.! After all, I'm just one lab-experiment-gone-wrong away from never leaving the house again!

~~Actually, never leaving the house again seems pretty ideal.~~

 

 

 

* Fag and shemale are generally regarded as slurs, and not fit for use in polite company. I believe there's a whole conversation to be had about reclaiming these terms, when are they acceptable, etc, but here's where I stand: consent is key. And right now I consent for these terms to be used towards me as long as they're used in good faith (i.e.: bullying is bad. Unless parties involved consent to that, which I don't). However, usage of these terms is completely optional and voluntary. If you are uncomfortable around them, you don't have to use them. If you struggle with understanding consent, you don't have to use them, either. If they simply don't rev your boat, guess what? You HAVE TO - just kidding, you don't have to use them.