Turning myself gay

 A long time ago, back in the tumblr days, I wrote a post about wanting to turn myself gay. Well, I'm not 100% sure that I phrased it that way (and I can't check because tumblr nuked that account), but I essentially wanted to reprogram myself to become attracted exclusively to men.

I think I've achieved this goal, at least sexually.

See, now my porn appetite consists almost exclusively of hot men. There's the occasional transwoman, and a lot of other sissies and crossdressers, but what really gets me going is real men and their juicy cocks. The sight of a heavy bulge, the kind that looks like it's about to burst, makes me salivate. I just want to kiss them, rub them all over my face, worship those bulges, and, when they're ready, wrap my lips around them. I want to make out with those cocks. And when I see a sexy man, I just imagine what it would be like to have him on top of me. This is what I fantasize about, too, mind you.

Now, used to be I'd hide/block any blogs that had ciswomen in them. The idea was to find arousal exclusively with people with dicks, and slowly focus on cismen. At first it was clear that it was a thing I had to do. After a while, it became a thing I wanted to do - I didn't like looking at them. And now I think I'm reaching a new stage in which it's something that I'm not sure that I want to do or not. Here's the thing: ciswomen are a turnoff now. Like, I look at a vagina and I...can't believe I was ever attracted to them. And, like, sure, ciswomen can be very pretty, and sometimes even sexy, but it's in a friendly way. In a "omg, she's cute / I love her hair / look at her makeup" kind of way. Definitely not in a "oh man, I want that" kind of way. So I've started to let some of those blogs remain on my feed. I really don't like watching ciswomen getting fucked tho, that's icky to me. I'm probably going to unfollow at least one blog on bdsmlr because of this. Not to judge other people's preferences but it's just genuinely unappealing to me, and I love this.

I love the fact that not only do I not care for straight porn, I actively dislike it.

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 I still have to work on changing my romantic orientation to be towards men. For what it's worth, though, I believe I've detangled myself from women romantically. Not sure if that's just me settling for being single because I'm jaded, or if it has to do with my reprogramming, but it's still probably a step in the right direction.

I also need to figure out where I want to fall in with regards to transwomen. It's complicated because of all the identities that fall within, and all the different presentations that are available. For example, I find myself less enamored with more "cis-aligned" transwomen, which is my way of defining transwomen that fall hard on the female end of the spectrum. Those that, had they not been born with male configurations, would be perfectly content ciswomen. Who are 100% women through and through. On the other end, you have ones like yours truly, who like to identify in more of a gray area. Folks who identify as sissies / femboys / traps / CDs / etc. These I do find attractive because they have some elements of masculinity to them. I'm usually not attracted to them by themselves, but rather when there's someone (100% preferably a cisman) fucking them. So, it's complicated, but for now this will have to do, I suppose.

At any rate, I'm just ecstatic that I've made it this far: I can honestly say that men are what I want.