Looks like O's are back on the menu, boys!

Yeah, I actually wrote that title; no, it's not clickbait.

Before I dive into it, however, I want to thank you for reading this! I've gotten a lot more positive feedback than I expected, and it feels really nice! I do need to start writing these before midnight, though, if for nothing else than to provide quality material.

Now, onto the subject at hand: orgasms.

I think I need to have them. Lots of them. And I promise this isn't some self-serving, get-out-of-chastity MLM nonsense, it's serious.

Remember how I was talking about turning myself gay in the last post? And how seeing women naked didn't do anything ~good~ for me? Well, that much remains true, but after giving it a lot of thought and keeping a lot of those ideas at the forefront of my mind, I realized that I'm still very much attracted to women in a sexual sense (beyond the romantic sense I've already talked about before). I know it sounds contradictory, and it's very difficult to explain, but bear with me. It's not that I want to engage sexually with them*, they just arouse sexual feelings. Like, I'll still see a hot girl and I'll think "oh, she's hot" in a friendly girly way, but there's still a tinge of arousal there that I hadn't noticed before (because it wasn't there, because I was actively avoiding seeing them in a sexual context).

I'm pretty sure that if I actually saw the women naked, though, the only things I'd find attractive would be the general outline of the body, and it would still be a turn-off for the most part (unless she were sporting a nice, thick cock). But as long as they're wearing clothes, there's nothing to turn me off, and so these feelings can slowly creep in.

The other day I made the mistake of looking at a pic of a girl with a generous bosom. She was dressed, of course, but I focused on the cleavage. I genuinely couldn't understand how anyone could be attracted to this, at first. Then, uninvited feelings from the past made their way in and I started remembering how I could be attracted to them. I perished the thought and moved on, looking at men in varying states of undress, which I prefer, but the ghost of that moment would haunt me for some days.

So I gave it a lot of thought, and I came to the conclusion that the problem is that I haven't allowed myself to properly enjoy men.

Think about it. I choose my words carefully, and when I say that I remembered how I could be attracted to women, I meant exactly that. It was reflexive, like muscle memory. Also, consider that I decided to become fully gay after I'd been heavily committed to chastity. Then add to that that I've had long-term relationships with women, but only a couple sexual encounters with men, and the problem becomes clear as day: I've retrained my attraction, but I haven't given it any substance. What's worse, I associate men, and my insatiable attraction to them, with chastity and denial. So of course feelings of arousal linked to women are going to surface back, because I've nothing to replace them!

Now, I'm not saying I'm giving up chastity. I love it, and I feel it's what's right for me. But if I'm to remain committed both to chastity and to being a 100% sissy faggot who only likes men, well, I'm going to need that emotional muscle memory.

So I'm going to have to work some sort of schedule out. Maybe being locked through the week and being wild and free on weekends. Or maybe the inverse. Maybe a complete lockdown for three weeks and then the fourth could be total release. I don't know.

I do wish covid wasn't an issue, though. I'd love to create some of that sexual muscle memory with real men. (Also because I just want to be fucking covered in cum. I don't know why but I want my face and hair covered in it, and I want my panties and cage covered in it as well; and I want to swallow tons and have cum on my breath really bad.)

...What a tangent.

Anyways, there's going to be a lot more "Unlocked" and a lot more edges and orgasms in my clitty tracker in the near future. I'm thinking maybe 6 months to a year might be enough, realistically, but I'm hoping it'll take less.

I guess this also means I'm going to have to cut out transwomen from my porn diet and stick to the less passable sissies/femboys/cds. I would cut them out entirely, so I can just focus on men, but I want to keep a bit of it so I can have something I relate to a bit more closely.

But hey, it's not all bad.! I'll be able to drink more of my own cummies, so that's awesome!

 

* I have this funny image in my head of what would happen if I were to somehow find myself in a situation where I'd be with a girl, and we'd both be into each other, because I'd probably just sit there, awkwardly, not knowing what to do...