Let the past die...

 ... Kill it, if you have to.

The Star Wars sequels are a contentious subject. But so are all Star Wars movies, even the originals. Alec Guinness himself was famously disenchanted with them, though he does offer a small nugget of wisdom that modern fans should embrace: "[...] and I find myself old and out of touch with the young. "

At any rate, I'm not here to discuss how wrong people who hate the sequels are (they really are). In fact, I'm not even here to talk SW at all. It's just that this quote from Disney's Bad Boy Kylo Ren resonates with me a lot because my brain likes to remind me of embarrassing moments in my life, and boy do I wish I could follow his advice and just "let old things die."

Today is different, however, because today I remembered two episodes of my past that, given what we know now, seem like some slightly twisted foreshadowing (even though, realistically, they could probably fit into a bucket of research data into the effects of bullying on children and teens, but I digress). And because today things are vvvvv different from back then, I want to (proudly) share them with you!

This first one happened sometime in middle school, if I remember correctly. Some of the "cool" kids, during recess, decided to ask me if I knew how to undo a bra. I guess the idea was to get me to say no, so they could make fun of me being a virgin and/or gay. I decided to set them straight, though, and explained to them that you just have to undo the clasps. Most of them were surprised by my answer, they were caught off guard, they didn't expect me to have this secret knowledge that only straight boys have.

One of them, a girl, stayed on her toes and hit back that of course I knew cus I liked wearing them!

They cackled; I rolled my eyes and walked away.

She was right.

That's exactly how my little, virgin, wannabe-crossdresser ass knew how to undo (and do) a bra.

I wonder if she was just really clever, or if she somehow knew. But that's mostly immaterial. That should've been more of a wake-up call for me than it was, but I still hadn't discovered what 'trannies' were, so my big moment of revelation would have to wait a bit longer.

Not as long as the next incident I want to share.

This time it was during co-ed PT time, and a bunch of us were out on the football (soccer) field. I've never been into sports, so I was just spacing out as I always do, blissfully unaware of my surroundings. Then, out of nowhere, this really annoying girl yells at me: "WAIT! CHARLIE! YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND??" I was genuinely surprised by this question. I mean, yes, I had a gf, but I hadn't told anyone except my friends - I didn't want to make a big deal about it, cus that's what a gay guy pretending he had a gf would do - so I wasn't sure how she found out, and why now. I just shrugged and replied yes, but more in the form of a question. The question really was more of an implied "wtf, why are you asking this, why are you loud, why right now".

She then rolled her head back and laughed *really* loudly -like really loud, she was so obnoxious I'm not sure she ever had real friends- ans screamed "I JUST THOUGHT YOU WERE GAY!!!"

I'd never rolled my eyes harder, or turned-away-from-someone-in-frustration quicker, but boy how have the turns tabled...

She was more right than she imagined, actually! First I was gay in a WLW sense, now it's the opposite.

Amazing.

Anyways, if I could erase all of my bad memories except for those two, that would be great. And even if it was an all-or-nothing deal, I'd still like them erased because these have now been immortalized on here. And even if I never read this again, at least you, dear reader, will know the truth: that I've always been a little crossdressing homo.

So thank you for that! XOXO